Past caring
by Lynx Traveller
Summary: Poor Airazor, she always loved life so much. The Vok changed all that


Disclaimer: until I buy out Habro, I don't own Beast wars.

Note: this isn't one of my 'thoughts' series, it's just a stand-alone. I fully intend to do both Tigatron's and Airazor's thoughts at a later date.  

In any case if you like, please review. 

…………………………………..

When a spark goes online, there is great joy.

I cried out in pain as the hooded being near my right arm tore open my spark casing.

So many times I'd been here, strapped to this table while these beings performed their experiments purely for the purposes of malice.

But I was beyond caring about that now.

I've often thought about life whilst I've lain here, wondering if I'd survive to see another day.

Cheetor used to think that life was one big joke; that the whole point of life was to have fun. Of course if you asked Rattrap he'd have told you that life owes him something, which is something that I've never understood; of all the beautiful things in life, how could it owe you anything more?  
Recently though, I've been beginning to think that perhaps life 'is' just one big joke; we live out our days trying to make a difference, only to have it kicked back in our face at the end.

Of course, if I told Tigatron this I think I'd hurt his feelings; he always saw life as something wonderful.

Not that I didn't, it's just that these slagging aliens have given me the chance to see things from a new perspective. I mean, is life really so great if things like the Vok exist in it?  
But, like I said, I'm past caring about things like that.

I do still wonder though what ever happened to Tigatron, we used to be kept in adjacent cells. The ship that we were in must've been in a firefight at one time or another, because the wall between the cells was buckled ever so slightly. Because it was where two walls joined, the angle was never any good to let us see each other, but we could still touch.

Somehow, that tiny bit of contact between the fingertips made all this seem not so bad, it gave us the sense that despite everything we still had each other.

But then the Vok found our little hole and moved us apart, just for the sake of causing pain.

I guess it would have been months ago now, but after the first series of tests they'd decided to simply rip my internal chrono out.

I guess I've spent a bit of time thinking about the Vok too; they always seem impartial to the tests, and although they never speak, I get the impression that they're deliberately impartial to everything.

Yet the only logical reason for them doing all this is because the Beast Wars just happened to take place on their little petrii-dish.

I used to care about life; it used to mean something to me. I remember when I first came out of the stasis pod and saw Rhinox fighting to keep me alive. Somehow while I was in the pod, I could see all that was happening. I knew that Cheetor and Rhinox were under heavy attack trying to protect me from the Preds, yet they were willing to fight to the last breath before surrendering.

Cheetor, he was always like a brother to me. I don't know whether it was his components or something else, but he gave me the opportunity to sometimes throw off the stress of being an adult and just kick back.

I would have done anything for Cheetor, I never would have let anything hurt him, even to the point of dying for him the same way that he was prepared to die for me. I know that Tigatron felt the same way; he was always the 'big cat', the role model.

I guess that if things had turned out differently that we probably would have adopted Cheetor when we got back to Cybertron. Tigatron and I were just talking about that the day that we got caught, I know that the three of us would have been happy together.

Yet another of life's little ironies I guess.

It just slagging isn't fair, why us? What did we do to deserve this? I never would have thought like this back on Earth, but what did Tigatron and I do to deserve this? Surely Megatron would have deserved this better than us.

I guess these aliens have changed me more than I know.

I always loved life so much, and now I couldn't care less if I lived or died. Despite my self, I will always hate the Vok for taking that away from me.

The Vok near my arm prodded my spark with something that sent pain shooting right through my body, I cried out.

"Just kill me and get it over with you slagging freak."  
As usual the Vok didn't reply, but ender that hood I thought I could see a grin on the ethereals face.

A second Vok approached with something in his hands. 

It was a white and black striped orb, slightly pulsing. I knew instantly what it was, and a few seconds later realised with a twinge of pain who it was.

My beloved.

The second Vok approached the first and handed him the glowing sphere.

He held it in his hand for a nano, before moving it closer to my own exposed spark.

I couldn't help but try and reach out to it, to feel the embrace of my love for one last time before they killed me.

I've often wondered if I actually made a difference, if my sacrifice somehow helped those still fighting.

I still have one hope that I've held on to all this time, even now when I know that the end is near.

I hope that in some way that I've managed to protect Cheetor; after all that I've been though if I died knowing that I in some way protected my little brother that it would all seem worth it.

I'm ready to die now.


End file.
